just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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