My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
