Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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