apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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