i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
