I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
