she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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