True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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