how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize