My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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