I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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