Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
PANTIES FOUND
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