Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Randomize
