I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
