Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
