I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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