I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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