I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
