ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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