is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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