So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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