I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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