so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
