He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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