Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
