He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
