You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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