I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize