Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
