I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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