im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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