My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
