No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
