Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
