I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
