loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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