I smell stomach acid.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
two words: eviction party
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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