Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
