dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
