Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
