there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
