Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
