She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
