Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
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i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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