"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize