He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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