honey bunches of taint.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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