3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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