If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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