i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
