Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
