He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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