I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
