So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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