You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
