Who did Billy Mays play for?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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