Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
