I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
