Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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