The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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