Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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