so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
well you can't waste a boner
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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