he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
